Confessions
by Rizumaki
Summary: ...I don't even know...The nations tell their darkest secrets. Sorry if I forgot your favorite characters. This was hard. The rating went up just in case.
1. Chapter 1

(My buddies and I discussed what the last episode of Hetalia could be. We all agreed that it should be where everyone tells their darkest secrets! It was hilarious. XD )

"Okay everyone, it's time to begin." Germany said and took his seat. "Who will start?" he asked.

"I-I will. Hello, my name is Ukraine…"

"Hi, Ukraine."

"U-um…" Ukraine took out a needle. She sobbed and said shakily, "M-my boobs aren't real!" To prove her point, she took the needle and popped the globes on her chest like balloons. She sobbed once more and took her seat. "Well," started America, "That's one off my list…"

"Hi, like, my name is Poland!"

"Hi Poland."

"Well like for starters…" he coughed and said, "I am NOT gay." He said in a deep voice. "Humph. And I WILL make your capital Warsaw." Poland took his seat with everyone staring at him. "What are you looking at, punk?" he rumbled.

"H-hello, I'm Lithuania…"

"Hi Lithuania."

"W-well…I'm not who you think I am…"he said. "Then who are you?" asked a random nation. Lithuania breathed in deeply and replied, "I am actually…a Japanese ghost."

"….."

"WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE A JAPANESE GHOST?"

"Privet, I am Russia!"

"Commie."

"I am not who you think I am either, Comrades! I am…" He removed his coat and scarf, "…actually two midgets in a coat!" With that, the Russia on top jumped off of the Russia on the bottom and the two sat somewhere.

"…What the hell was that?"

"Good day, I am England."

"Good day England."

Said nation sighed deeply. "…My eyebrows…they're not real…" He took a wet paper towel and wiped them off. Underneath were normal ones.

"….Why did you have them in the first place?"

"The bigger the better America, the bigger the better."

"Bonjour, I am France~"

"Wanker."

"Ahem…the reason I am always trying to 'spread the love'…" everyone leaned in closer. "It is to hide the fact that I have a small dick."

America literally kicked France's ass out of the conference room. "This place is only for countries with big dicks! You baby carrot!"

"Yo, I'm the Hero!"

"Hello America."

"Ahem, I AM NOT A FATASS. I actually love healthy foods!" he took out a carrot a munched on it. "'Sup, Doc."

"Bastards."

"Romano."

"I hate tomatoes and I love potatoes. The end."

"Hi, I'm the King of the Nordics!"

"Hello Denmark."

"I….I…" Denmark grabbed at his hair and took it off. "I'm bald." His head glistened in the light. (lol Que-ball)

"Hey, I'm Cuba!"

"Fatass."

"Speaking of fat-asses…" he removed his shirt to reveal something shocking. " I'm actually wearing a fat suit."

"Veh~, I'm Italy!"

"Hi Italy."

"Heh…hehehehehe…I'm going kill all of you…right now…heh…heheheheh…"

The room instantly emptied.

~End

Epilogue:

"America?"

"Huh? Oh Iggy and Fenchie! 'Sup!"

"We…we have something to tell you amour…"

"Eh?"

"I…." England started. His accent suddenly changed to a French one, "I am actually the real France, Amerique~"

"And I…" 'France' started, in a British accent, "Am actually the real Britain."

"HOLY SHI-," America fainted.

(A/N: I suck XD )


	2. Extras 1: Russia

(A/N: Alright, I've decided to do personal chapters by request of Renika-Chan! P.S: France is not England and England is not France. Britannia Angel made sure of that. He also made sure that England looked like England and had a Big Ben and eyebrows. And that France looked like France and has a small dick.)

Extra 1: Russia

In the Meeting Room AGAIN…

"Ahem. Now zhat Italy's little escapade iz over, we can start ze meeting once again." Germany announced.

"Privet, it is Scarf Russia and Coat Russia! You may have heard that Russia is actually two midgets in a coat, da? Well, we have decided to tell you everything else!" The Russias smiled.

"Oh great, two Commies talking about Commies. What joy."

"My aura, will you look at it? Well…" Scarf Russia poked the aura behind him. It wobbled like jello. Scarf Russia giggled. "You will watch, yes?" He kicked the aura. It yelped and fell with a dull 'thud'.

"What the-,"

"What is-,"

"Ta-da! It is actually Latvia!" Scarf Russia beamed. Latvia shivered and fainted from the pressure of his shaking.

"It is my turn, yes?" Coat Russia piped in. Everyone stared blankly at the second midget. "First, I have just created a poop in my trousers, and second…" Coat Russia walked to another part of the room. "I am not 'Coat Russia'. I am actually…" Coat Russia took off his coat. "Two more midgets in a coat!"

Belarus fainted.

Scarf Russia piped in once again as if nothing happened. "Oh, and I am pregnant. That is why I am 'Mother Russia', da?" England swore he saw a foot kick at Scarf Russia's stomach.


	3. Extras 2: Italy

Extras #2: Italy

"Veh! It's my turn now!" Italy practically squealed.

"I like pasta! You like pasta too, right? Pasta reminds me of blood and brains and death and rope I could use to hang you with and guts and-,"

"Ahem! Italy, on with somezing else now!" Germany coughed.

"Veh…Okay! My curl is actually a radio antenna I use to communicate with the Italian mafia so I can tell them who to-,"

"ITALIEN! BEKOMMEN SIE MIT DEM PROGRAMM DIESEN MOMENT!" Germany roared.

"I AIN'T SCARED OF YOU, SAUSAGE!" Italy roared back with much more force. He then grinned happily like nothing happened and chirped, "That's number 3!"

Germany quivered.

"Oh, and my country is much bigger than you think! See how my land is shaped like a boot? That's only the left leg of my country!"

"…Left…leg?"

"Yup!" Italy replied.

"Oi, what about Romano?"

"That's my fourth one! I AM Romano!" Italy shook his head vigorously and out popped another curl. "Ha, you really thought there were two Italys, didn't you bastardos?"

"Wha-? Mi tomate, how could you betray me, amor?" Spain cried out in agony.

"Aw, Spain! I always loved you! That potato is stopping me from staying with you!"

And that, children, is how World War 3 started.


	4. Extras 3: Germany

Extras 3: Germany (dundundun)

"Guten tag (?). I am Germany. I…I have kept a few secrets, some that I am quite ashamed of…"

"I…I absolutely loathe potatoes and wurst. But, as a German and its personification …I have no choice, but to act like I enjoy it."

"Second of all…I…am not a drinker. Sorry, bruder."

"Awww, that's not awesome, West!" Prussia whined.

"Next…I am planning on starting Vorld var ten. I know, I know. Where did vorld vars four though nine go? Zis var will be so massive, it vill obliterate all ze ozer ones."

"You…you commie!" America shouted.

"And to tell you ze truth, I am not at all ashamed about zis for some odd reason!" Germany said, astounded by this fact.

"Oh, and P.S, I only haf one butt-cheek. Ze ozer one got blown off when I was trying to expel Prussia's 'leftovers (wink wink)' from my ass. Zhank you."

The room went silent with all mouths (except for Prussia, Germany, and France) hanging wide open.

"~Ohonhonhon…I guess it is tea-bagging time, non?"

"NO, NOW GET OUT BABY CARROT!"


End file.
